Why so sad?

Sometimes sadness is unavoidable.  I don’t want to be sad or disappointed or unsatisfied.  But I am.  Like a little spoiled child who wants what she wants, I chase after the what if, all the while knowing that it is not what’s best for me.  In all honestly, attaining the what if might bring immediate satisfaction, but will eventually bring regret.

God has blessed me greatly: I have two wonderful children, a loving husband and supportive family, a peaceful home.  We have jobs, our health is good. I could go on and on.  Yet, I feel something missing, a hole in my heart.

I know the answer lies in living a life that honors God, focused on caring for others and not myself.  I need to get up and do something, but I lack the energy to do so.  I have the desire but not the will; the idea but no plan.  And so instead I remain selfish and self-centered.  Little things that shouldn’t, disappoint me, bring me down, make me sad.  Even in the middle of a crowd, I feel alone.

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.  (Psalm 37:4)